Bianca Labrador is a freelance writer and mom to three crazy kids. When she’s not busy chasing around toddlers and sweeping up graham cracker crumbs, she can be found reading, knitting, writing, or falling asleep while she tries to catch up on her favorite shows. You can find her on Instagram and at her website.
“Now come away from the fridge. If it falls, it’ll crush you flat.” That line was spoken by Aunt Josephine, a character I relate all too well to, from the children’s book and movie A Series of Unfortunate Events. You see, Aunt Josephine and I can come up with every horrible scenario for everyday tasks that could manage to result in death or injury. She won’t cook hot food, because “the stove could burst into flames.” Look through a book? Also a dangerous task, because of paper cuts. And the chandelier hanging from the ceiling? That’s also a risk, why it could fall and impale the poor person standing beneath it. While I don’t venture as far as dear Aunt Josephine, I understand her fears and vivid scenarios.
In 2008, my doctor told me that I probably had anxiety. Five years later I was diagnosed with IBS, a functional bowel disease that has symptoms similar to Crohn’s to Celiac. One of its triggers can be anxiety. The doctor handed me a pamphlet and told me to figure out how to calm down and move on. I took her advice and moved on to another doctor. Within a month I found out that I was pregnant with my first baby and my ability to calm down didn’t appear. In fact, I just developed new worries. The first few weeks after finding out I was pregnant was wrought with anxiety inducing moments: a miscarry scare, changing doctors, and the realization we would need to move. None of that helped with finding my zen.
Being a mother of three and dealing with the potential perils of parenthood and the anxiety inducing IBS flare ups is difficult. Can I take the children to the park since I ate breakfast, or should I wait two hours to see if I’m going to get sick? My stomach feels fine now, but will it get sick later? After all, I did take a nibble of the cookie Madeline offered me.Most people with toddlers need to know where the bathrooms are for potty training purposes, but not me. I need them for the kids and my irritable bowels.
If I were just worried about my issues, that would be easier to handle. But I’m not only worrying about my potential tummy problems, I’m also worried about my kids. My brain can’t help but remind that there is so much to be afraid of in this big world. Our newsfeeds on social media are chock-full of horror stories of children being taken too soon. Forgetting a baby in a hot car? I could make that mistake. A small scratch from the playground turned into sepsis? My kids get scratches! Mosquito borne illnesses? And don’t get me started on Lyme Disease? We live in one of the worst places for Lyme Disease in the nation! Deer are in our front yard daily. And then there are the heartbreaking St. Jude’s ads that remind me how lucky I am to have healthy kids…for now. It would be so easy to allow these scenarios to take over my life. So, how do I function in this world? With support and a plan.
Two years ago, my new PCP floated the idea of taking anti-anxiety medication to help with my IBS. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a real option due to the nursing schedule and surprise third pregnancy. It was around that same time that one of my best childhood friends pulled me aside and gently said, “I think you should find a therapist. Your body is working against you.” She was right in many ways. I thought about her suggestion and filed it away. It wasn’t until the following year, after struggling with postpartum issues that I really started to see a therapist. You can read more about that here.
Going to therapy has saved my life in so many ways. It’s given me the opportunity to discuss my concerns with an unbiased source, who also helps me come up with ways to handle the stress. While I love therapy, I do need more tools to help me cope with the normal stressors of every day work-from-home-mom-of-three chaos. Here are some tools that I use to help me survive when the days seem to be dark:
Meditate
After the recommendation from my sister, I downloaded a meditation app. When I start feeling my chest get tight, I can turn it on for as little as two minutes and feel some relief. The one I have also has a guide for kids, so I can try to get them to calm down as well.
Exercise
Even if it’s a simple walk around the front yard while the kids are napping, the movement and exposure to nature helps to take the edge off of the moment. I do have to work to have my mind let go of what’s bothering me, but that tiny little walk really does help me.
Talk
If I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed, I have three people in my contact list that I know I can call up and talk to without judgment. My sister is one of them. She’s my best friend and has helped me overcome so many hurdles with my mental health, I don’t know where I’d be without her. Find a couple of people that you can reach out to without judgment, and call them.
Listen
Music can set or change a mood. I’ve created multiple playlists and have a few stations bookmarked on my phone that I know I can turn on to try and help pull me out of the emotional water when I feel like I’m drowning. Create a playlist for yourself of music that makes you happy or calms you down, and have it ready for when you need it.
Diet
I have to watch what I eat to avoid flare-ups. It’s not always easy to do – why does pizza have to taste so good? But when I’m careful with what I eat, my mind and body feel so much better. Knowing that I’m doing what I can to avoid any flare ups, also helps my mind to calm down. I don’t get as anxious at a meal when I know I’ve eaten the diet I’m supposed to.
Pray
I try to be a religious person, but I’ve struggled with the existential crises of, “ARE YOU EVEN THERE?!?” Even through those moments, I still find myself praying for patience and guidance. I’ve always yelled a few times, and that’s also made me feel better. Even looking at an image of Mary holding baby Jesus has helped me to calm down slightly.
My GI doctor has told me that I will always experience occasional flare-ups, doing the things listed above helps me to have less anxiety and be more present with my children. There will be days when I know I can’t walk them to school or play at the park, and that’s okay. As long as I’m doing the best of my ability with my children, that’s what matters.
