Summer 2020 will be a unique summer for most moms, and moms with anxiety are no exception. The last few months have been filled with unease and unknowns. We are craving familiarity, normalcy, and control. This summer, prepare for the things you can control to help take the uncontrollable stuff in stride with grace and patience. 

It’s just that easy, right? Just prepare for the summer as a mom and all of your anxiety will go away, right? Oh, momma, I wish I could make that promise to you. I wish I had the magic answer that would take away all of your anxiety. I don’t have that magic solution, but I have a few mom life hacks that can help lower your anxiety this summer. Planning ahead is one way to lower mom anxiety. Planning ahead can help prepare you for the unplanned stuff that causes anxiety. Planning ahead as a mom is extra complicated because you are responsible for more than yourself, so take a look at these summer hacks for moms with anxiety!

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Sunscreen Stashes

Summer weather can vary across the world and your summer hacks will differ depending on where you live. I’ve spent summers in Southern California, Arizona, Texas, Missouri, and Illinois. Each area was so different during the summer, but one constant has been sunshine. UV rays, vitamin D, tan skin, this momma LOVES her sunshine. Do you know who doesn’t love lots of sunshine without sunscreen? My Norwegian husband and my Norwegian/German kids. We. Need. Sunscreen. I rarely remember until we are outside and in the middle of playing or working, so I keep sunscreen stashes all over our property.

Buy a few bottles of your favorite family sunscreen and stash those suckers in your mudroom, purse, car, garage, anywhere you can easily grab and use (without the heat or sun affecting the product). Easy access to sunscreen will help lower your mom anxiety this summer. 

Critter Control

Nothing invokes anxiety quite like the feeling of outdoor critters crawling on you. Plan ahead and prepare for summer bugs wherever you are! Pick your favorite bug repellents, stock up, and stash in easy to access places. This blog post covers the 9 best safe bug repellents for kids.

Put a couple of bug-repelling plants in your garden or yard, like Citronella. Keep bug repellents in a few places for unplanned or last-minute needs. Outdoor Citronella candles are a great way to keep irritating bugs away from your outdoor hangout area as long as the wind isn’t blowing too hard. Control the critters this summer and let go of that mom anxiety. 

H2O To Go

Hydration for yourself and your family is a huge part of summer survival and wellness. Plan ahead for the summer by keeping water with you at all times. Most grocery stores still have a limit on buying cases of water bottles, so make sure to pick up a case of water bottles each time you shop if you are a water bottle family.

If you prefer reusable water bottles, designate a reachable spot in your house to store reusable water bottles for the whole family. Make a habit of filling and bringing water bottles with you wherever you go. If you live somewhere in the desert (I did a 5-year stint in Bullhead City, AZ) invest in a high-quality beverage container for each member of your family. Choose a reusable water bottle known for keeping iced beverages cold, and consider packing a cooler with water for even more insulation. We all need extra water during the summer, so plan ahead and avoid hydration anxiety.

Car Kit

A local mom in my new town gave me a great summer hack for moms with anxiety: create a car kit. Purchase a small zippered bag like a first aid kit bag. Fill the bag with bug spray, sunscreen, bandaids, ointment, and a candy sucker to help calm boo-boo anxiety.  Add an electrolyte boosting drink powder (think Pedialyte), pain medication, bee sting wipes, baby wipes, tampons or pads for you, and Tums/Pepto and your car kit is complete!

For low anxiety impromptu adventures, keep camp chairs and picnic blankets our beach towels packed in your car all summer. Add coloring books, colored pencils (crayons might melt), stickers, and other toys so your kiddos always have something to do. You might even have a few semi-relaxing picnics or beach days this summer. And that is a huge mom win. 

Snacks

We all get “hangry” from time to time, and “hanger” (hunger + anger = hanger) can cause unwanted anxiety to flood your soul. Avoid unwanted anxiety by keeping snacks with you at all times. Fruit snacks cure almost any meltdown for both kids and adults. Trail mix and granola bars travel well and give you a quick protein and blood sugar boost. Store and stash snacks all over this summer: in your purse, beach bag, pool tote, anywhere you can easily grab your snacks and serve or eat them. Don’t leave melty foods in the car or sun too long or you’ll have a frustrating mess. 

Summer Hygiene 

Being prepared is the number one summer hack for moms with anxiety. Ease anxiety this summer by planning ahead for messes.

Keep packages of your favorite wipes in your purse, in the car, in your garage, in your outdoor living space, and anywhere you and your family will frequently hang out this summer. Put a trash can or bag in your car, golf cart, boat, or any vehicle you use during the summer. That way you don’t find a 3 month cooked chicken nugget this winter and water bottles don’t fly out of your van the minute you open the backseat door.

“Get Out” Bag

Sometimes getting out of the door is the hardest part of any family adventure. I feel this so much. The majority of my anxiety meltdowns happen right before we leave to go somewhere. Somewhere I planned to go. So why is it so dang hard?! Part of planning ahead is preparing ahead.

Pack a “get out” bag ahead of time to help you and your family get out of the door. If you are going to a water-themed event, place a swim bag for yourself and your kids the night before. Be sure to put in swimsuits, swim diapers, floaties, towels, sunscreen, bug spray, anything you all need to play in the water. Pack an extra change of clothes and snacks for extra-low anxiety. Pick out clothing for your whole family the night before an outing. Yes, even yourself. If you are heading to an area with large crowds, coordinate your family’s clothes and outerwear to easily keep an eye on your little ones.

Pack your purse with tampons, Advil, an adult snack, bug spray, Benadryl, anything you might need during the day. 

Whether you are planning a Disneyland vacation, planning to hit the river or lake a few times, or just planning some backyard picnics, make sure you are prepared ahead of time. Your anxiety level will be low and you will actually enjoy your summer adventures this year, just the way you are meant to. You are a mom. You are an incredible human being and you deserve to enjoy yourself this summer.

You deserve to make memories with your kids and admire their individual personalities. You deserve to watch the sunset with your husband at the end of a long hard day. You deserve to sit outside and read a book of your choosing. You deserve to plan ahead so you can have the summer of your dreams. You’ve got this, momma.

There is no magic solution or pill to completely take care of anxiety in moms, but there are effective ways to calm anxiety right away.  Having a list of techniques to calm anxiety ready takes the guesswork out and helps you in your moment of need. Otherwise, it’s far too easy to be consumed by the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and forget how to handle it all. Let’s say you find yourself in a situation that triggers a panic attack, what do you do when the anxiety hits? Some anxiety and panic attacks are impossible to avoid and are out of your control. Some anxiety is chemical and that is out of your control as well. This post will help you map out a good plan to use when anxiety hits.

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1. Find What You Can Control to Calm Anxiety

Disaster can hit if we expect to control things we can’t actually control. You can really only control yourself when it comes to anxiety and calming down, you may not be able to control the things or people around you. If you focus your thoughts and energy on controlling yourself and your thoughts, words, and actions, your anxiety will start to calm down right away. 

2. Reign In Your Reactions 

When anxiety is high our reactions can become out of control. We have the ability to control our own reactions, but that can be extra tricky when anxiety is high. Consciously reign in your reactions during a panic attack, really focus on holding back your reactions until you have had time to process and calm down. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend wrote one of my all-time favorite books, Boundaries. In this book, they explain that reactions are a form of being controlled by someone else while responding keeps the control in your hands. Remaining in control of yourself will ease anxiety in moms and help you calm down right away during an anxiety attack.

3. Identify The Problem 

You may be able to identify what is causing you anxiety, and that might help calm anxiety. Once you identify the problem, you can either fix that problem or accept it and move forward if the problem is out of your control. Here is a list of anxiety triggers to think through when trying to identify the problem.

• Medications
• Health Problems
• Caffeine
• Financial Concerns
• Skipping Meals
• Social Anxiety
• Conflict
• Stress
• Weather
• Poor Sleep 
• Chemical Imbalance
• Drugs or Alcohol

There are many things that can cause anxiety in moms, and sometimes it’s impossible to identify exactly what is triggering your anxiety. The process of thinking through what is causing your anxiety will help calm your anxiety right away.

4. Mental & Physical De-Clutter to Calm Anxiety

De-cluttering your living space and your mom brain are both great ways to calm anxiety right away. I am a complete psycho about having my kitchen island clean and clear at night so I can wake up to a clean kitchen area. I swear it makes my day better to have my living space de-cluttered! If you need some cleaning ideas, check out my post about 11 things moms might need to clean. De-cluttering your mind is just as important when trying to calm anxiety. Use lists, schedules, and routines to de-clutter your brain and organize your life. This will help calm anxiety right away and help your life run a little smoother. This book of 52 Lists for Calm is a great tool to help you de-clutter your brain space as a mom.

5. Move Your Body

We all need to be moving our bodies and getting our heart rates up for at least 30 minutes each day for our physical AND mental health. This post takes about the mental health benefits of exercise including the release of endorphins, receiving of stress and tension, and the calming rhythm of walking or running. As moms, it can be hard to find time to do a workout every day. I use Beachbody online workout videos most morning, even if I have kids hanging on me while I workout. If your kids just won’t let you do a workout one day, try storytime yoga videos on YouTube for a workout to do with your kids. Even a short walk down the road with your kids will help calm your anxiety right away.

6. Check Your Diet

Checking your diet is a good way to calm anxiety right away. Our bodies each process foods differently, so you may be more intolerant to some food groups than others are. Eating or drinking things your body doesn’t like can cause anxiety in moms. There are many home testing kits out there to check for your personal food sensitivities, but I have not tried any of those tests yet. My husband and I did the Whole30 program and discovered some food sensitivities we didn’t know about before. Avoid things like caffeine, super processed sugary foods, preservatives, and fried foods. Add more water, fruits, veggies, healthy fats, and lean meats to your diet and you can calm anxiety right away. 

If you are having an anxiety attack, take some time to drink water and have a healthy snack. Focus on what you are eating and drinking and try to give your body a good amount of nutritious stuff. Shop in the outer sections of the grocery store (meat, produce, dairy) and avoid some of the fake food aisles (processed, salty, sugary foods). Cook and serve real food and you will calm your anxiety right away.

7. Do Something With Your Hands

If you are trying to calm your anxiety right away, do something with your hands and give your brain a break. This will take the focus off of your thoughts and anxiety and help calm anxiety right away. Some ideas for things to do with your hands are crocheting, journaling, baking, organizing, and many others. Find a brainless activity and work on it while you calm down mentally. Bonus if your brainless activity also helps you de-clutter your living space!

8. Find Your Happy People

If anxiety is overwhelming you, surround yourself with the people who make you feel good about yourself. For me, my happy person is always my husband, but I also have my parents, in-laws, and other family and friends who make me feel calm and positive. Perhaps your happy people are online in a Facebook support group or a small group Bible Study. Make a list of your happy people and keep it somewhere you’ll remember. When anxiety hits, check your list of happy people and make plans to be around them to help calm anxiety right away.

9. Check Your “What If” Worries

This is something I struggle with constantly, the “what if” thoughts that cause anxiety in moms. Sometimes this comes in the form of racing thoughts or quick dramatic visual flashes. Sometimes it’s a legitimate and relevant concern. What if? What if I fail? What if I hurt someone? What if I get hurt? This can also be categorized as “worry”. All moms worry, right? Yes, we all worry. But there are some healthy ways to work through your “what if” worries to calm anxiety right away. Think about how you are actually feeling, and what you are thinking and doing. Write down or record your thoughts to have a sense of control over your anxiety. Take productive action to fix real problems that exist, not “what if” problems you are creating. These steps will help you calm your anxiety effectively.

10. Add Some Comfort & Positive to Calm Anxiety

In a world full of chaos, it is really important to actively add some comfort and positivity to your life and you will be able to calm anxiety right away. One of my favorite ways to add comfort when I have anxiety is with this weighted blanket. I also find it really helpful to massage muscle knots and tension with this miracle worker, the Thumper Massager. Find some positive news on the internet or watch a helpful documentary. Actively seek out comfort and positivity and you will effectively calm anxiety right away.

What are your favorite ways to calm your anxiety right away?

A Guest Post 

by the lovely Cameryn Vonbargen

Say hi to her at multitaskingmotherhood.com!

I have struggled with anxiety for my entire life so when I became pregnant my self-awareness of my own mental health was at an all-time high.

I worried every day about having my son because I was terrified that I would have postpartum depression. I never even considered that my mental health would decline at an astonishing rate WHILE PREGNANT. 

I never really considered prenatal anxiety. Though, I do not think that most people do because the world really focuses its attention on postpartum anxiety and depression. I had even been seeing a therapist and our sole purpose in those sessions was preparing me to battle postpartum in the case that I struggled more than usual. 

As time went on being pregnant, my anxiety started creeping up and at more frequent times.

I usually could go a couple of weeks feeling pretty good before I had an “episode” of extreme anxiety. This was not the case here though. I could go maybe a few days without having a complete breakdown and I only began stressing more because I was so afraid I was harming my baby.

I want you mamas, you expecting mothers that are struggling with this, to know that this is okay. What you are experiencing can be normal and that you are not alone.

If you are unsure if you have prenatal anxiety, you can learn more about both the symptoms and typical treatments for it here. 

Of the various ways that prenatal anxiety can be treated, the one that stuck with me the most would be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I should actually say that it was my own form of this practice. 

I had already been seeing a therapist for years. I also have a degree in psychology. So, I am no newbie to how therapy works. Granted, I did see my therapist numerous times throughout my pregnancy and would check in with her about how things were going. BUT… I was in nursing school (an accelerated one at that!) and had very… very little time for anything other than school, my OB appointments, and eating ice cream in the evening. I did leave class early a few times in order to meet with my therapist but I couldn’t do this all of the time so I had to implement some CBT methods on my own for the time in between sessions. 

So, without further ado, the following is how you can create new thought patterns (essentially using CBT) to prevent or manage prenatal anxiety.

Ultimately, CBT entails “retraining” your brain.

You essentially have unhealthy or negative thought patterns and you want to teach your brain how to turn these into healthy or positive thought patterns. This is the process that I used whenever I would start to have a more serious episode of anxiety:

1. Think about what is giving you anxiety at that exact moment.

For example, having extreme anxiety about the glucose test you have coming up to test for gestational diabetes. 

2. Examine your thoughts.

Unconsciously, you may have been having thoughts go through your head about the situation. For example, “I am going to fail this test. I have been eating way too much ice cream and I have given myself gestational diabetes and it is going to harm my baby”

3. Examine your feelings.

The thoughts that you had about the situation immediately cause you to have some sort of feeling. For example, the thoughts above gave me shame, anger, worry, and (you guessed it) anxiety. 

4. Examine your actions.

It all happens very fast but your actions are a direct result of both your thoughts and feelings that you had about the situation. For example, you had extreme feelings about the thoughts of having gestational diabetes. Since you are so uncomfortable and worried, you eat a sprinkle covered donut because you seek comfort in food. 

Okay… okay. This whole scenario is actually what happened to me. And you know what? In the end, the test went well and I didn’t have gestational diabetes.

That goes to show that the extreme anxiety that you may experience can actually be all for nothing.

I had such high levels of anxiety during the few days span it took to get my results and I acted out by eating sweets because I had unhealthy thought processes such as “well if I have gestational diabetes than it is too late now”. I know… awful. Plus, you know… for any mama worried about her ice cream diet and developing gestational diabetes, ice cream is not a direct cause of gestational diabetes. See? Unhealthy, irrational, and negative thought pattern. 

Now, looking back.

What if my thought process had been slightly different?

What if I had thought “I only have a small bowl of ice cream when I am relaxing at night and other than that, I eat relatively healthy. I also don’t have any of the risk factors associated with gestational diabetes. I know that I am taking care of myself and my baby and that we are both healthy”. From the very beginning, changing my negative thoughts to more positive thoughts would have changed the entire cascade. While worry could have still been present, many of the other negative feelings may not have existed and my actions would have most likely been different. 

In the end, this method requires you to notice your negative thought at the moment and change it to a more positive thought and believe in that positive thought.

Fake it until you make it, right? I am not going to lie either. It is very hard to do at first. Very hard. In the end, though, switching your thoughts from negative to positive becomes easier and there is less of a chance of you sitting there ruminating in your thoughts for hours on end. 

Prenatal anxiety is definitely not something that many talk about. Our society focuses on the need for attention on women’s health to postpartum mental health care. The need must begin to encompass all of perinatal mental health. Until then, however, it is important for expecting mamas to be on the lookout for signs and symptoms related to prenatal anxiety and depression and find a method that works for them in coping with it. 

Remember, in the end, you are not alone thought this and it is a very normal thing. That means, it is okay if you need to seek help for your mental health and take positive steps in improving it. 

Multilevel Marketing (MLM), direct sales, or whatever terms used to describe the very popular work-from-home sales jobs: most of us are at least familiar with a few of them. Since companies like Avon, Mary Kay, and Tupperware got rolling in generations past, this business model has become quite common and the products available through MLM are as varied as the opinions about them. And as varied as those opinions can be, I doubt that any of us out there have not had at least some experience with getting a Facebook message from someone we haven’t spoken to since high school asking how we’re doing followed by what sounds like copied and pasted sales script. 

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Not every MLM-style company is bad.

Some of the products sold by these companies are really great products. Some moms work for MLM style companies and do really well! They have a great income and authentically help people purchase great products. This is not for those moms. Actually, this is not about companies or products at all. This is about the harmful marketing tactics and less than the best communication skills needed to work in a sales job. The world around us is starting to take notice of what we ourselves have long suspected: many common MLM sales tactics can be devastating and hurtful. In fact, the Washington Post ran an article last year called, “How MLMs are Hurting Female Friendships”. It is definitely worth a read. 

This isn’t a post about dissuading you from continuing to sell and support MLMs.

It is simply a heartfelt plea to those involved to consider how certain marketing tactics and techniques affect the person on the other end of the Facebook message, for the old friend on the other side of the table at the coffee shop. This is also for moms and from moms. I want to support you, momma. I want to empower and encourage and help you reach your goals. I have purchased many products from MLM companies. I completely respect my Beachbody coach. I watch my best friend sell Rodan & Fields and I am proud of her. I want to hear about your products …. but it’s hard to support you if you participate in any of these harmful marketing tactics.

Last year, a fantastic book by Lindsay  Teague Moreno called “Boss Up!”came out and I absolutely love it. In fact, we also bought it on Audible so that my husband and I could listen to it together in the car. The author is a super successful and savvy businesswoman who built a business empire in two years using only social media, and personally has been involved with a popular MLM company. But she flips the table on all the gimmicks and popular sales techniques that we’ve all grown to know and hate. She demonstrates how not only are these techniques ineffective, but that being yourself and being real is actually your greatest asset. If you work for an MLM company, I highly suggest reading the book. 

Please don’t use kindness as a marketing scheme. 

This is one of the most hurtful things I have seen happen within groups of moms and it really breaks my heart. I have had many moms talk to me about being approached in public by another mom mimicking a friendship. After investing time and energy into the friendship a phrase much like “hey, do you want to know how to retire early like me?” Or “omg, can I show you how to work from home on your cell phone?” Comes rolling out. I assume sometimes this marketing technique works out well for both parties. What I am more concerned about is the countless moms who no longer trust anyone enough for a friendship. The moms who are hurt and feel dumb and alone. No product is worth making another mom feel like that. There are more authentic (and less hurtful) ways to market your MLM product to the general public.

There have been many days when I receive the exact same marketing message from 5 different Facebook friends. Same. Exact. Word for word. The message politely asked me how I was and didn’t skip a beat before asking me to post something on my personal Facebook wall. Ok, fine, you can ask me this. But could you at least change the verbiage or schedule your messages more authentically? 

Please do not guilt me.

As moms we already have enough guilt we are putting on ourselves, we don’t need any more from you. One of my least favorite marketing phrases is “What, you can spend $5.00 a day on burnt-tasting Starbucks but you can’t join my team to sell these amazing products?” No, I don’t personally spend $5.00 a day on coffee of any kind, but I would and could if I really wanted to. As a mom, the last thing I need is another mom guilting me about how I spend my money. Some moms spend $200 at the hair salon every 6 weeks, and that is perfectly wonderful. Some moms would rather spend $200 at Hobby Lobby. Some moms want to mail order incredible life-changing shampoo from an MLM, and some moms are ok using whatever shampoo their husband picks out at Target while picking up diapers while you take care of your savage children at home. Please, don’t cause more guilt in any other mom. 

Please don’t create fear.

There are so many health and beauty trends going in and out of style these days. Sure, maca root might give me energy and other great stuff. Cleaning without chemicals can fix a lot of problems. There are many things that can totally make mom life better or easier, and fear is NOT one of them. I understand that in marketing you need to create “fear” to create a “need” for your product. I also believe there are ways to sell products to moms without creating any more unnecessary fear than we already have. We are moms, we naturally have more anxiety and fear about life. Please make sure your sales pitch doesn’t create more unnecessary fear and anxiety for your fellow momma.

Please don’t disrespect other moms for their own career choice.

If you are trying to get other moms to join your team and sell with you, learn to take no for an answer. Sure, some moms might be interested in your career. Some moms might be excited to hear about how they can work from home using their cell phones, but some moms simply don’t want to. And that is perfectly OK. All too many times, I have seen moms shamed for saying “no” to joining sales teams. Some moms are called to stay home with their kids and NOT make any money doing that. Some moms want to own a small business of their own. Some moms want to work in an office outside of the home. Let’s all learn to accept each other’s differences and unique interests. 

Please don’t forget about authenticity.

Authenticity is one of the biggest (and best) business trends in 2020. Moms don’t want to see you in front of the new sports car you just purchased or on the tropical cruise you are taking. We want to see your sweaty face after a workout. We want to see what your kitchen looks like. We want to see the company conference you went to. We want to see what your kids look like. This goes for most of society, not just moms. When choosing your marketing techniques, be sure that everything you post and say is authentic, and you will see some great results!

Authenticity can be extra hard because of technology, but there are absolutely great and authentic ways to market your company and products. Authenticity is becoming such a trend in society that large companies are even joining in on the authenticity fun. Instagram already took off the visible number of “likes” on each post, and they have threatened to take away “likes” completely. I have seen more sweaty red pictures of my personal Beachbody coach (hey, Jenny!) more times than I care to count. I have seen my friend’s gnarly yellowed teeth in a toothpaste “before” picture. I have seen up-close shots of my high school friend’s new wrinkles 14 years later. Many MLM companies encourage you to add your own vibe and twist to their marketing materials, and I want to encourage you to take that opportunity and turn up the authenticity.

Please do not hide things.

As moms, we have to worry and stress about the weirdest things sometimes, like getting out of ridiculous memberships and auto-shipments. Literally no one has time for any of that. I’m begging you, if your MLM company requires me to sign my voice away in exchange for legs, please let me know right away. We are moms, which means we have kids, which means our bu**sh** radar is on point. We can sense these tricky schemes from a mile away and we are hurt like heck when we realize things were hidden from us. Mom to mom, let’s respect each other enough to be honest and open from the beginning.

I have had many great experiences with moms who work for MLM and other team style companies. I’ve been blessed with some incredible characters in my circle of mom friends and they have excellent and non-harmful marketing plans and tools, so I know it is possible. Some of my favorite mom-sold products include Beachbody, Juice Plus, WildTree, and many more. I really hope we can all truly work together to help each other and support each other in our dreams, goals, and passions.

Every mom has a unique personal story and many moms are able to tell their story and communicate their needs well. Moms with anxiety may have a harder time communicating our needs and talking about our struggles. Although we may not always know how to say it, here are 9 things moms with anxiety want you to know. This post can help you understand mom anxiety, whether you experience it or not.

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1. We aren’t anxious because of anything we did wrong.

Sometimes the first reaction to a problem is to solve it, but that is not the case when it comes to anxiety. Sure, there are things we can do to ease our anxiety and there are things we can avoid that might increase our anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t happen to us because of anything we did wrong. We already feel enough guilt, let’s not add more just because we don’t know a better way to respond to anxiety. 

How to respond: Each mom with anxiety is different, and your response and reaction will depend on your relationship with the anxious person. Instead of offering advice or suggestions right way, try to ask how you can help first and let the anxious mom communicate with you.

2. We might need medication.

It might seem like we are masking emotions or avoiding hard things, but the truth is that some moms have a chemical imbalance that causes anxiety symptoms and they need medication to correct it. Listen, going through the process of diagnosing anxiety, trying different medications, dealing with the side effects, and having to check in with a medical team frequently is a huge pain in the butt. I highly doubt any mom taking medication for anxiety describes it as the “easy” way to handle things.

How to respond: If a mom you know is trying a new medication, support them in their hard season. If a mom you know is on medication for anxiety, good for them! If a mom you know has anxiety but is uncomfortable with taking medication, that is also good for them. Every mom knows what she needs. 

3.  No mom is an expert in dealing with anxiety.

Anxiety is so tricky in that it is unique in every single person. Anxiety is hard to study and most moms don’t really like talking about their anxiety. Therefore, no mom is an expert at anxiety. Please find some patience and grace, we are all doing the best we can with something so unknown and uncontrollable. We are constantly thinking about ways to be better moms and better people in general, we are trying.

How to respond: If a mom you know is struggling with anxiety, ask her how you can help. If she doesn’t know how to answer, ask if she just needs space to think and feel. If she wants help but doesn’t know how, guide and direct moms with anxiety to uplifting and positive resources. Music, blog posts, books, anything that focuses on moving forward in a positive way. Also, find someone with experience as a mom with anxiety, we are stronger together.

4. We have to learn to accept the bad days.

Sometimes we just have to accept that our anxiety is high and our day won’t go as planned. This sounds easy, but it is so very hard to do as a mom. We have to change our expectations and plans for the day because of our anxiety, something we cannot control. That sucks. We were probably excited about our pedicure plans all week and then had to cancel at the last minute because of anxiety. We probably needed a play date at the park to chat and watch our kids play, but anxiety made us cancel and now we are frustrated and embarrassed. Yet, we have to learn to move on and try again, and we would love it if you would move on and try again with us too.

How to respond: If a mom with anxiety you know cancels plans with you because of anxiety, try to be patient and kind even if you don’t understand and it’s the 50th time they have done this. They are bummed too. All we need to do is move forward and try again.

5. What you think we need…might not actually be what we need. 

Trust me, we have probably stayed up all night googling natural anxiety remedies and then trying them the next day. We are probably working with a doctor or other expert and we might just be waiting for results. Since every single mom with anxiety is so unique, there is not one simple thing that works to ease anxiety symptoms in each mom. There is usually a system of a bunch of things that help ease anxiety, and we are working on figuring out exactly what it is, I promise.

How to respond: When should you help a mom find ways to ease her anxiety symptoms? After she has asked you to help. If a mom is simply venting to you about her anxiety, let her vent. Making friendly suggestions can be great depending on your relationship. As a mom with anxiety, I can tell you that sometimes it’s really nice to have someone respond with “yeah, that’s really hard” and then we can all move on. 

Some things that can help calm anxiety in the moment of a panic attack (or while recovering from a panic attack) are self-care tools like this amazing herbal neck and shoulder heating pad, and this incredible weighted blanket that actually helps. Moms with anxiety tend to carry a lot of stress and tension in the shoulders and necks. Painful knots can form, and herbal heating pads can help release that tension. I was honestly very skeptical about weighted blankets until I tried using one and had some really great anxiety easing results. 

6. Anxiety can come and go.

There are seasons when I have high anxiety all day every day, and there are seasons I have a bit of anxiety every few days. A lot of moms are exactly the same way, anxiety can come and go. The hardest part is that we don’t have control over some things that can cause our anxiety. Change in barometric pressure can trigger anxiety. Ingredients in lotions and makeup can trigger anxiety. Even slight elevation changes can trigger anxiety. It’s exhausting having anxiety come and go, but we learn to enjoy the lower anxiety times and we learn how to handle the high anxiety times.

How to respond: If you know a mom with anxiety, enjoy the low anxiety moments with her and support her during the high anxiety times. I often find myself apologizing to my family members and friends when my anxiety is high. They always respond with “it’s OK, we know you and love you” and that really helps me feel better as a mom with anxiety. 

7. I am the mom my kids need.

Yes, I am a mom with anxiety. Yes, my life looks different than a mom’s without anxiety. But being a mom is hard whether you have anxiety or not, and I am the exact mom my kids need me to be; even with my anxiety. There are some positive things having anxiety can do to a mom. I am not ruining my kids because of my anxiety. Each mom is unique and different and that is beautiful and should be celebrated.

How to respond: If you know a mom with anxiety who is struggling or doubting herself, use words of encouragement to remind her that she is the mom her kids need her to be. I like to say things like “hang in there” and “you are doing a good job”.

8. We need to learn to work through things.

If it seems like we are avoiding any and all help when it comes to anxiety, it may be because we need to learn to work through some hard things. There are some situations we need to fix or figure out. This might mean we don’t want help when we are at home with the kids even though our anxiety is high. This might mean we have to have hard conversations to help our relationships. This also might mean we are trying to manage symptoms with things like diet and excessive before trying medication. We are trying to be patient with ourselves, please be patient with us. 

How to respond: If you know a mom struggling with anxiety, ask if you can help. If she doesn’t want help, try to understand that she might need to work through this hard thing. A great Flow This is a great book that really helps moms works through the hard parts of anxiety. Consider buying this book for a close mom friend, or for yourself if you are looking for some self-acceptance exercises. 

9. We are constantly trying.

Anxiety doesn’t let us slow down. Moms with anxiety are constantly trying, constantly thinking about how to ease anxiety or avoid anxiety. I have yet to meet one mom who can easily turn their anxiety off so they can relax. Moms with anxiety work extra hard to relax and rest, and we usually don’t get enough relaxing time or rest. If it seems like we aren’t doing anything about our anxiety, it’s not because we are lazy or not trying. It might just be hard to understand how we are trying. Most moms with anxiety also hate drawing dramatic attention to themselves (I said MOST) so we try quietly and out of sight. 

How to respond: If you know a mom with anxiety and it seems like she isn’t trying to do anything about her anxiety, be patient and understanding. Figuring out our mom anxiety is a long tedious process and we are doing the best we can. 

Every mom hears how important it is to practice self-care. True self-care comes in all shapes and sizes to fit the unique needs of every mom, and moms with anxiety are no exception. Being a mom with anxiety includes many differences, including how we practice self-care. And being a mom with anxiety means self-care is even more important. But how do we know HOW to practice self care? How do we practice self-care when we are already short on time? I will answer both of those questions in my self-care rules for moms with anxiety.

Self-care looks different for every mom, and it is extremely important to remember these self-care rules for moms with anxiety. Being a mom with anxiety does not mean you need to accept a disappointing fate. At the same time, we need to have realistic and adapted goals that work with our anxiety, not against it. Understanding your anxiety will help you develop and stick to a self-care routine that is just right for you.

If you would like someone to help you create your self-care routine along with other daily routines, I would highly suggest hiring a Mom Coach, Business Coach, or other type of Life Coach. Investing in coaching services is one of the most recent and healthy trends today and I hope and pray every mom realizes that they are worth investing in. For more information on hiring a Mom Coach, read my blog post about it. 

5 Reasons You Need A Mom Coach

Rule #1: Normal Routines Can Be Self-Care

To some moms (like me), taking a shower happens naturally and easily every single day. For other moms, it takes all of their strength and power to make a shower happen once every few days. Self-care does not have to be something elaborate and new. Some days my self-care is blow drying my hair on warm instead of hot if I have some extra time in the morning. 

Practicing self-care can simply be making time for normal things you find yourself skipping. It is all too easy for moms to neglect every day self-care actions to make more time and space to take care of those around us. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of other people. Also, you deserve to take care of yourself. 

Rule #2: Self-Care Should Not Cause More Anxiety

If your self-care plan is causing you anxiety, it’s time to find a different plan. I have seen this happen with many clients I have had the honor of working with. Many times we feel the need to practice self-care the way we see others practicing. This often causes more anxiety and can make you cringe every time you hear the phrase “self-care”. 

Okay, before you get too comfortable, let me also say that self-care for moms with anxiety is not easy or uncomplicated. Finding your unique self-care plan will ultimately lower your anxiety, but you will still need to challenge yourself. Check in with yourself frequently and make sure your self-care routine is making you feel challenged without adding to your overall anxiety.

Rule #3: Your Self-Care Should Look Different

In a world promoting Instagrammable Mental Health, there is a bit of an obsession with self-care. But your self-care doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You are a unique and beautiful human with unique needs that deserve to be met. What brings others happiness may not bring you the self-care benefits you need in this season.

Social media shows us moms on pedicure dates with their besties and moms making recommendations for their favorite day spa. You probably see moms checking into their local gym on Facebook every day and posts about the fresh green smoothie your mom friend made herself for breakfast this morning. Maybe you don’t have the childcare you need to get a pedicure. Maybe the thought of a spa day stresses you out and you can’t find the smoothie blender you used before you had kids. That is all totally OK. It is healthiest to be happy for the other moms posting about self-care while also creating your own unique self-care routine.

Rule #4: You Need A Self-Care Routine

Our amazing mom brains are already so overworked. Invest some time in yourself and create a self-care routine that is perfect for you. Having a planned and posted self-care routine saves you the time and energy from trying to remember self-care without a routine. Eventually your season and self-care needs will change and you will be able to easily adapt your routine. 

If you need help creating a self-care routine, reach out to some other moms you know and ask about their routine. Having creative and productive conversations with other moms will give you the inspiration you need to create your own self-care routine. If you need some more guidance, hire a Mom Coach or other form of Life Coach. Either way, remember that you are not alone and you are doing a good job!

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